anamia83

Relapse 
( triggering but I need help )

Quite quiet in the house now. Just me, Simon and the new girl around.

Someone has stolen our big TV from the living room. Don't know how/who because we're good at keeping doors locked and there's no sign of a break-in.
Pfft.

Not so quiet outside. There's been big fights in the street all day involving men whacking eachother with big bits of wood. Cue lots of riot police, police dogs, riot vans, etc.
And a woman was stripped naked, raped and murdered just round the corner from here.

Not feeling so very safe really.

My low body temperature has gone beyond "normal" low and beyond "point of concern" low and hit well below hypothermia. I thought my thermometer was broken, so I took my temp with another, and it was too low for that thermometer to register. To me, I feel warm and flushed (I thought I had a fever), but I feel cold to the touch to other people. I'm eating,I am maintaining my health weight, I'm taking vitamins, I'm hydrating, I'm doing everything right.

But does my insurance company feel that this is important? Nope. I'm at college. Outside of the range of service. Unless I am bleeding or unconscious, it's not urgent enough to require care before I go home at the end of December. I got the blood tests for severe anemia and hypothyroidism anyway, and I'll fight the insurance company later, but the tests aren't in yet. Until then, I feel like I'm dying and trying to keep up with a "New Ivy" curriculum. It's not good for my grades.

What's WRONG with me?

* Name: Erin
* Age: 23
* Location: Toronto, Canada

EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: ednos - purging type
* How long have you had it?: 3 years
* Have you received any treatment for it?: i have been seeing a dietician for almost two months now
* Have you been in recovery?: no
* Do other people know?: no
* What do you want out of recovery?: i want to feel like i can communicate my feelings with the people who are important to me.
* What holds you back from recovery?: i can't imagine what recovery would even mean, what it would be like.

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: depression, anxiety
* Any medications?: no
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: i fear i am becoming addicted to sleeping pills, not sure if that counts.
* Are you currently in therapy?: yes i have been having psycho-therapy for over 3 years.

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: graduating from uni on monday !
* What kind of music do you like?: heart breaking country seems to be my favourite these days, and anything from the Mad Men soundtrack.
* What's your favorite color?: dove grey
* What's a hobby you have?: i like to collect found objects (playing cards, photographs)
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be?:
* Your favorite quote: "ars longa vita brevis" (art is long while life is short)

The results of Tuesday's election were mostly encouraging. Just like in the primary, the voters seemed to show that they've had enough of the "city jewels" nincompoops and the overtly corrupt. The people I voted for are marked with an asterisk.*

CITY COUNCIL
Won:
Charles Pugh (88,704 votes)
*Gary Brown (80,698)
*Saunteel Jenkins (74,918)
*Ken Cockrel Jr. (i) (74,680)
*Brenda Jones (i) (61,294)
*Andre L. Spivey (60,382)
James Tate (58,146)
*Kwame Kenyatta (i) (57,482)
Jo Ann Watson (i) (54,602)
Lost:
Lisa Howze (48,414)
Alberta Tinsley-Talabi (i) (46,960)
Jai-Lee Dearing (45,753)
John K. Bennett (35,576)
Shelley I. Foy (35,123)
*Mohamed Okdie (32,905)
Fred Elliott Hall (32,825)
Raphael B. Johnson (31,631)
*David J. Cross (21,502)

THANK GOD Jai-Lee Dearing and Fred Elliott Hall (i.e., the overtly corrupt) didn't win. The only winner I'm unsatisfied with is Jo Ann Watson (i.e., a "city jewel" nincompoop), but hopefully her finishing last among the winners will send some sort of message to her. Something like: "We appreciate your progressive views on labor and the environment, but maybe you shouldn't be such a race-baiting xenophobe all of the time.

Speaking of race, I believe this is the first time in Detroit's history that the city council has been all-black. But I don't think Jo Ann Watson is shedding any tears over the "lack of representation" of the city's 100,000+ non-blacks. Neither am I, I guess.

Here is a map indicating the home addresses of the members of our new city council:



I hope it's readable. I didn't want it to be so large that it effed your friends page. The blue dot represents where I live. Again, I don't feel disenfranchised for having no council members from my "district". But if I lived on the northeast side--which, by the way, is pretty much hell on earth--I can imagine feeling that there might be a connection between a lack of city council representation and the state of my neighborhood. Really, though, I think what happens is that people with adequate education and resources to be elected to city council just move to Palmer Park, Grandmont-Rosedale, or downtown.

CHARTER COMMISSION
Won:
*Freman Hendrix (75,869)
Teola P. Hunter (56,396)
Ken Coleman (50,092)
*Jenice Mitchell Ford (46,700)
*Reggie Reg Davis (43,220)
*Rose Mary C. Robinson (41,807)
Ken Harris (40,091)
John Johnson (37,165)
Cara J. Blount (33,837)
Lost:
*Tonya Myers-Phillips (30,314)
Jonathan C. Kinloch (28,424)
*Patty Fedewa (28,125)
Olumba-John Olumba (27,814)
*Elena M. Herrada (27,814)
Warren A. Crockett 26,834)
Sarah D. Lile (26,395)
*Jeffery D. Robinson (24,083)
*John R. Eddings (21,484)

These results are a little more disappointing, but it is only a temporary, non-paid position. Hopefully the people I voted for help prevent Ken Harris and John Johnson from writing evil things into the new charter, or at least ignore Teola Hunter's "city jewels" nincompoopery.

I'm glad Bing was re-elected as mayor. Four mayoral elections in the last year was just too much. It will be nice to have a nice four-year break from mayoral elections.

Before I give the voters too much credit, I would like to point out that "Revenend" David Murray has been re-elected to the school board. I'm just thankful they are utterly impotent at the moment while emergency financial Robert Bobb is actually the one running everything.

P.S.
After posting that map I realized I forgot to cut out Hamtramck and Highland Park. You'll just have to use your imagination.

Too many police, too much drama kthnx.
Violent drunk housemate was released this morning and was immediately evicted. Girlfriend (and other housemate) has left too to be with him (people are weird..) for a couple of weeks. So it's just me and the new girl here, and only 2 people next door (technically speaking - a kid is sleeping on the floor in the attic) too. Very quiet now.

Am very excited about the Christmas-ising of Starbucks and Costas. Gingerbread latte, creme brulee latte, dark cherry mocha, toffee nut latte, eggnog latte......OMGZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

I took the day off work yesterday and instead worked for eleven hours at the Bagley house. I can't confidently say that when you walk in it LOOKS like eleven hours of work has been done to it, but that's how long I was there. About half of the kitchen walls now have drywall, and the right side of the downstairs hallway is covered as well. I also glazed another window.

Somehow the work was enjoyable. Taking a weekday off instead of working on a weekend is always more relaxed for some reason. Maybe because it feels like "bonus" time. Also, drywalling walls sucks infinitely less dong than drywalling ceilings. It's almost... fun.

I wish I had it in me to lie and call in sick instead of using vacation and personal time for the house. I have 22 vacation and 6 personal hours left now (more vacation time gradually accumulates, and personal days are rewarded each June). Yet I have 278 sick hours, and I haven't called in sick since March of 2008. I am feeling sick today, though. Hopefully I recover before Saturday's big drywall day, and hopefully we really do finish all of the drywalling that needs to get done this time.

Also yesterday Pete's Roofing on Fort Street flashed the soil stack on the house. That kind of sounds funny.


P.S.
Who are these people adding me on Facebook? I guess you all went to my high school, but I do not remember you. How do you even remember me? I look nothing like I did in high school, and I'm going by "Szewczyk" instead of "Sewick" on Facebook. I appreciate the friendly gesture, but if we never had a conversation in high school (over ten years ago now), what do you hope to gain by our online acquaintance now?

* Name: AsideExposed
* Age: 28
* Location: New England, US

Sometimes it makes me angry when my family thinks I am just making my ED up, when after all that I've been through I know that it's a very real disease. It makes me angry sometimes when I am misunderstood.

Can anyone relate? If so, can you name any personal stories/examples? 

How did you deal with it?





~Thanks.

Hey everyone!

( Not really new but I'll post the survey since it has been so long! and a little bit about what brings me back )

I like this.

I want to get off out and do stuff but i've got to wait for the police. The couple in my house broke up and he went on a drunken rampage kicking down her door and putting his fist through a window.
Nice.

Everyone has more energy when they're happy and excited and less when they're sad. I feel different. When my mood is flat i have no energy. When i'm happy i feel so full of energy it's like i'm bouncing on air (i've always been like that - hyper, tend to get overexcited). I'll always need more sleep than usual, whatever my mood.
There's definitely a psychological element to this tiredness thing. Maybe it's a combination of meds (there's something to be said for a hardcore stoner to say I look stoned out my head), a physical manifestation of depression (aka sheer exhaustion lasting from having pushed myself too far all these years), anaemia/ED stuff, and quite likely a somatic thing - unconsciously trying to maintain my 'sick role' while everything else (depression, ED, anxiety disorders) get better.

I'm learning stuff like crazy here. Moving into this house is a really damn good thing for me. I'm learning so much from the others. Like that it's okay to let go, to be yourself however you're like, to take big risks, that you'll survive through whatever life throws at you, that there ARE people who care and understand, that you don't have to live a lie, that you can be proud to be who you are despite not 'making it' in the conventional/middleclass/educational/career-oriented kindof way.
No wonder students drink so much. It's the only way they know that's acceptable to let go of the facade of perfectness. 

I live by "musts" and "shoulds" all the time. onelastgo tried to get me to stop saying "should" but i never realised the relevence until now. She sussed stuff before i did. She's let go of the expectations placed upon her and is just living. I didn't understand until the past couple of weeks. It's everything from "i need to get a degree to get a good job" to "i must eat grapes in multiples of 2" to "i should do a piece of artwork every day". Life is so goal-oriented, and maybe we're too busy trying to achieve all our goals to remember to LIVE.

I had more to say but life has gotten in the way - my friends are outside so i'm off to watch them hurl beercans at eachother.

 March 2009? Wow... really? That's that last time someone posted to TF on LJ? What happened to you gals?

<3

Lissa

My goodness, my last post was rather too self-pitying and whiny really. Get over it KJ. A cold and some med side effects will be gone in no time. Last year you had the crisis team phoning every few hours to check you were still alive and breathing, and back then you didn't know if you'd ever get any better (and due to depressiveness didn't think you would). Temporary physical yuckiness is nothing on potentially chronic mental fuckery. Or any other true suffering for that matter.
Pfft.

I managed to get off my shaky ass and made it to town. Have more ibuprofen (v important) and am filled with a Cafe Nero hot chocolate (they do the best hot chocolate...evar). Also have eggs, bread and beans - for some reason i crave combinations of those atm.

Dad sent me a parcel of BOOKS LOVELY BOOKS. I now own:
Outsiders by Steve Lazarides
Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen
999: True Stories of My Life as a Paramedic by Lysa Walder
The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery
Look Back in Hunger by Jo Brand

I've got started on Girl, Interrupted already cos it's easy reading for my brain-fuckeriness. It's good already.

My laptop cannot connect to the internet, not wirelessly or through an ethernet cable. Stupid Ubuntu. My rice cooker also broke. It was the cheap one I got when Melanie kept mine, yet the nice one she kept died before its cheap replacement did.

I voted this morning. Yeah, remember that? The primary was so long ago I almost forgot about the general election. I'm not 100% confident in each person I voted for, and I adjusted my opinion on a couple of candidates. I chose these individuals:

Mayor
Dave Bing

City Clerk
Janice M. Winfrey

City Council
Gary Brown
Ken Cockrel Jr.
David J. Cross
Saunteel Jenkins
Brenda Jones
Kwame Kenyatta
Mohamed Okdie
Andre L. Spivey

Charter Commission
"Reggie Reg" Davis
John R. Eddings
Patty Fedewa
Jenice Mitchell Ford
Freman Hendrix
Elena M. Herrada
Tonya Myers-Phillips
Jeffery D. Robinson
Rose Mary C. Robinson

Board of Education At Large
Deborah E. Davis

Proposition O - Operating Millage Renewal
No

Proposition D - Charter Amendment
No

Proposal S - Bond Proposal
Yes

I could have voted for nine city council candidates, but I just didn't like anyone else enough to vote for them. And I'm already taking a risk softening my opinion on Andre Spivey. I won't lie to you about the Board of Education--I only picked the person endorsed by the Detroit News. Ms. Davis was the only one endorsed even though there are four seats.

And unlike what I think will be the vast majority of voters, I voted "no" on the proposal to elect city council members by district. The ballot language didn't say how the districts would be drawn. This is totally a job for the charter commission, and every single candidate for charter commission that I know of is in favor of some sort of election-by-district plan anyway.

Exactly which of Corktown's problems aren't being solved because no city council candidate lives in southwest Detroit? And if any neighborhood's problems relate to crime or city services (which they almost universally do), then those are the concern of the mayor's office, not city council. Having a city council member living on your side of the nearest district boundary line doesn't do you any good in a "strong mayor" form of city government--another reason why this issue should be solved by the charter commission and not an ambiguous ballot proposal. City council needs more power in order for an election-by-district system to have any effect at all.

As things stand, all nine members of city council are accountable to me, and I have a say in choosing them all. Under the new proposal, I only have a say in choosing three (two at-large members and my one district representative). That feels like a disadvantage to me. I'm afraid my representative will be like my congresswoman Carolyn "Butt" Cheeks Kilpatrick. She lives in my district, but Matty Moroun generously contributes to her election campaigns (not to mention other perks, such as an undisclosed $50,000 cash gift to her son, convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick) and she in turn supports his illegal bridge project.

Finally, any great ideas my representative on city council comes up with would require the support of a majority of the city council anyway. And those other members would be preoccupied with pet projects for their own districts. Is that kind of inefficiency worth it?

So, tis my birthday. I'm more unwell today, and it keeps raining. This is annoying because i want to go out and see people FFS.

This morning a new girl moved into the house. She seems quite nice. Unfortunately that meant our support worker and social worker were there, and whenever they see me when i'm unwell they assume i've taken something. It's SO annoying because it means they adopt a disapproving attitude towards me and don't neccessarily believe me when i say i'm just ill as opposed to on something. Fortunately the social worker remembered about the quetiapine increase and was told i'd turn into a dizzy slurring mess for a few days, but still EUGH. I can't be the only person in the world who barely ever ever drinks or take drugs...?!

I had 3 envelopes with DWP on the back today. NOT COOL because this usually means something has gone wrong (fortunately was only the case for one of them), and also because the handwriting on one looked like my friends so i was dissapointed.

Cafe Nero do chocolate fudge cake that they'll heat up and serve with cream. I want some. Need to get a helluva lot less dizzy to get that though. 

It's November already, so that's my (slightly early..!) cue to post some winter icons :)

140 Icons

+60 Animated Winter/Winter Solstice icons
+10 Animated Fantasy icons (unicorns, moon, stars etc)
made from original artwork created by Kirk Reinert
+70 Non-Animated LGBT icons (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender)

- Warning: some of these icons do portray mild or suggestive nudity

All from stock/randomly obtained images.

SAMPLES:-

Starbright	Moondance	LGBT

NO HOTLINKING - please right-click & save any required images to your own hard drives. Comment to let me know which icons you're taking, & please credit rainbowgraphics when using any of my graphics!

This post is temporarily open to the public, but you need to join the community here to gain access to all the rest of my graphics. Membership at rainbowgraphics is currently moderated, but new members are always welcome. Many thanks, & enjoy!

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